I was taught as a child to obey any
adult simply because they were an adult, whereas I think that
I honor my mother by growing up, by separating from her. I don't
honor her by staying there. You know, in other words, the work
is not about blaming Mom and Dad. I don't even hold my mother
and father responsible for what happened to me. What I think
happened is, I think they did to me what was done to them, and
it is just a question of generations doing this. That's why we
have got to stop it and if nobody's willing to do the work, then
we can't stop it. So, that is the idea of it.
speaking, a lot of people believe that we actually did handpick
our parents for whatever we needed to learn in order to grow,
and get to the place where we are now.
Well, that's a theory, a metaphysical theory. I don't accept
that particular theory, but I'm not saying that it isn't valid.
I believe that we are fated by the parents that we got and that
there are lessons that we can learn and when you've done the
feeling work, then you're prepared for the metaphysics, but if
you do the metaphysics, before you've done the feeling work,
what I see happen to a lot of people, is that they get addicted
to metaphysics. In other words, you get to making metaphysics
be the answer to everything. It's like you don't do the grief
work for the pain that you had because you say, well, I chose
my parents and I was learning a lesson and this is what my soul
wanted me to do. What I think you need to do, is do the hurt
and the pain, the grief work, (blessed are they that mourn),
and then you say, "Look at the strength I got out of that."
But you say that afterwards, you don't say that before you've
For example, Ken Keyes came up to
me, the Ken Keyes College in Oregon, where they teach a lot of
metaphysics and he said to me "We were putting the cart
before the horse, we were trying to teach people unconditional
love before we had done grammar school, which was to do the ego
work and to go back and deal with the pain."
Now, there's lots of different ways
to do the ego work. You can do it with kundalini yoga, you can
do it with family reconstruction, you can do it with gestalt,
you can do it with inner child work, but you need to do it, and
if you don't do it, what I think happens is that people become
compulsive. They become compulsive about something else. I mean,
I was, I was a compulsive intellectual and did everything other
than do this work. I did the Course in Miracles, I did the metaphysics,
I did the Jack Schwartz healing, I did the Alana Rubenfeld, 'Dancing
Your Way to Happiness', I did shamanic spirit canoes, and all
of that became a way to mood alter for me. Until I was willing
to go into the pain.
also state in your book Homecoming that once people have claimed
and nurtured their wounded inner child, the creative energy of
their wonderful natural child begins to emerge. Once integrated,
the inner child becomes a source of regeneration and new vitality.
Carl Jung called this the wonder child. Does this mean that highly
creative and imaginative people like Walt Disney for instance,
must have healed their childhood wounds or is it possible to
be incredibly creative and still have a lot of unresolved pain?
Well, I think both. I think that a lot of wonder kids, like Rainer
Maria Rilke, whose mother wanted him to be a girl, and called
him Maria. She would say, "Is that the wonderful Maria at
the door or is that the horrible little Rainer?" And of
course he would say, Maria. My byline to that, is that you either
grow up to be a great poet, or terribly screwed up. Rilke became
a great poet.
Now, he may have had a lot of pain
in his life, that if he had done the feeling work, it could have
helped that pain. I don't know, I think there's a level of mystery
too in that people are fated by what happens to them, but there
are strengths that come out of it.
a person just go back and intuitively feel whatever needs to
come to the surface, and it wouldn't really matter where or when
it was in your life.
Yes, I think that is possible. I think that some people have
spontaneous remissions. I don't know how that works, but I don't
deny that it can work. I don't deny that someone could go into
metaphysics and do the healing of this, but my own experience
has been that a lot of people go into various spiritual disciplines
and they become what the Germans call "air people",
they're not grounded.
I've seen a lot of that!
You do see a lot of that, and they get very compulsive and kind
of spiritually proud. You know there's a kind of arrogance about
it. I've been through that, where I was that kind of person.